When Fate Shows Up: Confronting the Unseen Patterns
How our unexamined thoughts and emotions write the story of our lives
“The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate.” - Carl Jung
Previously, I suggested a theory that negates fate in its entirety. However, I became curious about what we may confuse fate to be in the first place. Carl Jung states: “The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate.”
I find this fascinating because he is essentially suggesting that our subconscious remains active, influencing our behaviours and shaping the patterns we experience. It acts almost like a beacon, attuned to a specific frequency, attracting similar wavelengths, drawing in experiences that we then perceive as fate.
We see this pattern in highly empathetic individuals who take pride in being emotionally independent yet struggle to express their own issues and often attract emotionally avoidant partners. When the inevitable breakdown of the relationship occurs, the individual externalizes the fault, attributing it entirely to the other person.
However, on a subconscious level, the subject was always aware of the imbalance from the beginning, only choosing to overlook the misalignment because of the benefit they derived from it. So, when the relationship inevitably reaches its end, they begin to analyze the other person’s behaviour with a false sense of newly found realization, neglecting to examine what allowed them to ignore the misalignment upon its inception.
From the perspective of the subject displaying emotional intelligence, despite their inability to express vulnerability, they receive the advantage of being perceived as emotionally adept through their ability to intellectualize feeling and emotional thought. They are able to support those struggling to understand their own emotions, regardless of their inability to do so themselves. This skill acts as a veil, allowing the individual to present as emotionally available, showing no immediate warning signs to those they attract. They are able to engage in romantic relationships with ease yet struggle to fully connect, often feeling the need to dissect the mind and emotional state of their partners to gauge their romantic standing. Left unchecked, it will gradually lead to the deterioration of romantic and platonic relationships.
And even when they do internalize the issue, they often fail to analyze its origin at its core, instead settling for a surface-level rationalization of the end being caused by some flaw or insecurity within themselves. Although shallow, this level of understanding can act as a bridge to uncovering the true source of the cyclical issue.
Simultaneously, however, it can be detrimental, as it may reinforce the cycle by planting new seeds of self-doubt within the subconscious, continuing to attract similar outcomes if not approached with deeper introspection.
Now from the perspective of the emotionally avoidant subject, they benefit from being perceived as simply inexperienced or unlearned, leaving their partner to carry the emotional weight of the relationship. However, this individual is fully cognizant, and at times willfully negligent, of their inability to engage emotionally rather than logically.
They make conscious decisions to remain stoic in order to preserve a sense of identity they have constructed for themselves. This dynamic persists until something forces them to confront their refusal to engage with their inner world and assess their character.
Though different in their methods, both parties exhibit a limited capacity to exist vulnerably within romantic or platonic relationships. Their opposing tendencies act as a magnet, drawing them together to reflect what each other refuses to confront within themselves.
The parts of ourselves we fail to confront—our unexamined patterns and our emotional blind spots—show up in the world around us, in the relationships we have, and in the situations we find ourselves in. The examples I shared illustrate exactly how that can unfold in real life.
And until the lesson is acknowledged, the cycle continues, repeating itself through a revolving door of incompatible relationships.
To quote Jung again, “The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate.” In other words, he is suggesting that what we call “fate” is the external manifestation of unconscious internal patterns. By examining these patterns and taking responsibility for them, we transform what may appear as fate into a life we actively shape, attracting what aligns with our intentions rather than what is merely projected from unexamined beliefs.
So, regardless of your frame of mind, you will always attract what you project, whether you choose to believe it to be fate or not. Instead of blindly moving through life in pursuit of a hopeful outcome, it is far more valuable to dissect the genesis of your innermost beliefs and determine whether those beliefs truly belong to you or if they are the result of an identity shaped by the world around you.
Whatever you accept will determine what your life reflects back to you. And only then will you begin to realize that it is not fate controlling how your life unfolds, but you.
Note: My most recent posts differ from my usual poetry and creative fiction writing that I post online because I’m working on understanding myself and my mind before I can get back to what I love writing most. I’m probably going to keep posting in this style until I find myself again. So hopefully until then I can make some pretty interesting self-discoveries! Thank you very kindly if you’ve stayed with me till the end.